Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
