I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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