i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Randomize
