He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
We named our party play list daddy issues
He is an equal opportunity slut.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
