Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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