smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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