Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
