My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize