so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
He felt like a one man threesome
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
