we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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