I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
You may now shotgun with the bride
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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