some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
