Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
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