Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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