You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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