Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
