Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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