It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
