Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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