In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
