Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
