I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
