She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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