There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
