I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
