you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
The Olympian is in my bed
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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