I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
