he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
