I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
