a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
