# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
pop tarts are not kleenex
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
