Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
the room spins SO much faster in panama
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
