When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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