I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
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Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
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There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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