I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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