he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
