I wannas sexs uuuuu
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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