Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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