So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
