if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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