Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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