Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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