I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
