I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
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The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
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this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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