Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize