I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
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