his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
