my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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