I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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