Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
