I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
