Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
