she looked like the bat from fern gully.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
