You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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