i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
