Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
