This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
