Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Let's get the cat blown out
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
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