I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
i believe in u and ur pee
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
