I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
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