We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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