would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
