Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
