So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
