this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
did i just pee glitter
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
