Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Randomize
