i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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