I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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